LovingHim-RaisingThem

Sometimes we have to go back to go forward.

I love progress.

I hate going backwards.

I’ve got this niggly shoulder injury, Ive had it for years. Its never bad enough to really stop me doing anything, so I just ignore it and keep hammering on when it hurts. Turns out my body isn’t letting me do that anymore and last week I had to go and see someone about it.

My lovely boss Jenny worked away trying to loosen and relieve tension from my left shoulder. I wanted answers and a solution and I wanted them immediately! I don’t have the time or patience for process with this, I asked her ” Is it tense?, Can you see why it hurts sometimes?” To which she responded “It is so incredibly tense, Im surprised it doesn’t hurt all the time…”

Right OK.  I went into the Pilates studio as a student this morning, as I often do. Jenny kept gently correcting me and showing me the subtle bad habits I have picked up. These habits are small, unnoticeable to most in fact, but they are there slowly but surely damaging my shoulder.

Where my body isn’t strong and stable enough at its deepest level, other muscles switch on take the load they aren’t meant to carry. When I do a full press up or roll up or plank I look like Im doing it correctly but I’m not and over time I’m damaging my body.

So I’m on a slow, corrective, take it easy kind of plan for my shoulder. Even as I type Im annoyed, I hate slowing down! Im going back to basics, I have to retrain my brain and my body to do the work properly, building back up using the right muscles at the right time. Jenny’s correction is a gift to me should I choose to listen to it and do the work.

Sometimes we have to go back to go forward.

When we moved to Dunbar and started a church there was a lot of going back to basics. Stepping back and allowing God to teach us things all the time. As we have worked with other churches and different people, as we have faced our own failings, as we have parented without the support of wider family we have been given great opportunity to learn and grow.

Our everyday life is a fantastic teacher, and close friends and leaders can help us so much if we go to them humbly and allow them into our story. I want to be awake to my life. To my thoughts, words and actions. To take responsibility for my life and allow Jesus to grow me into his image.

The church plant has been an amazing tool for personal growth and mirror to see the truth. But I think being a mum is just as great a teacher. When my little humans run around displaying my less than desirable attitudes or reactions its an amazing opportunity to be corrected.

I’m the kind of person who can be thinking and feeling a hundred different thoughts at any given moment. I wake up and my mind launches straight out the starting blocks. At my core are some deep seated beliefs about myself and God which shape a lot of those thoughts and emotions.

I’m not enough.

God isn’t fair.

I must control and understand everything to be safe.

Fill in the blank………..

So I guess just like you I have a choice, do I keep hammering on and ignoring the brokenness in my life? Or do I slow down and head back into my story for healing and freedom?

Just like my dodgy shoulder shows up every time I exercise, my deepest beliefs show up every time I’m challenged in life. Giving time to go back to basics and allow the Holy Spirit and a trusted few to correct me is my gift.

Do you allow God and a trusted few to correct you?

The truth is I am worth the time and the effort to be whole and so are you.

Happy Monday!

Love Emma

I got up early this morning.

I’ve been trying on and off for months with little success to get out of bed bright and early before my already bright and early household. I got the bread in the oven grabbed a hot water and lemon (caffeine mostly off  limits for now…another story! ) I gathered my books and journal and sat at the desk. I never sit here but I felt drawn to it today. 

I opened my journal and read over my last entry, which was about 3 weeks ago….I felt instantly sad that I hadn’t been to my journal for that long, as it is a source of life for me. I began reading and saw that the things I had written, I had’nt implemented either…

Sadness was moving like a freight train past conviction into guilt and condemnation. It’s not even 6am and I’m feeling terrible. I got up to fill my mind and heart with God and start my day well, and instead it’s filled with self condemnation.

I look up and stare mindlessly at the plant on the desk, a source of further irritation as I see one of the beautiful peace lily leaves browning and curling around the edges. I can’t even water the sodding plant I inwardly berate myself. I twist off the ruined leaf and put it down by plant. I try to get back to my journal but I’ve nothing to write.

I pick up the half dead leaf and begin to twiddle with it unsure of what to do. I begin to write and my pen runs out…..my frustration levels are rising, I place the pen down calmly and rummage in the drawer for another. I come across the kids crayons and an idea enters my mind to draw the leaf. I feel slightly ridiculous as I am unable to draw and to be honest what’s the point? That will take up all my time to do something productive. I decide to go for it. I know I am the leaf. Not watered enough and becoming pot bound. I too am curling and crispy around the edges.

I breathe out the frustration and begin to draw. Because I have no clue what I’m doing I have to concentrate and be slow. This is both hard for me and a sense of absolute relief because my mind runs at a million an hour for most of the day. I feel myself soothing and I sense Gods smile. 

I’ve been set up.

Holy Spirit is our inner compass, our guide and our friend. I believe he wooed me to the desk this morning because my effort and striving to have my life together would have got me nowhere today. I needed to relax, accept my reality. I’m loved just as I am.

I believe with my whole heart in abiding with God, in soaking in the vine you will see it is the basis of this blog. But round the mountain I go again.

Even as I write now I feel the temptation to edit, and twist the truth a bit. Man I hate failure. But I’m still typing and I will not edit my life. My value of authenticity is a non negotiable. The beauty and the power is in the mess. It’s in the failing and the getting up. It’s in the fact that I try again and although not completly free and light, I’m miles on from where I was. We don’t need perfect people to encourage us along the journey…who can relate to them! 

Have a great weekend and I pray you find a little bit of time to do something that brings you life. For me today I’m laying aside productivity and I’m going to try my best to relax and have some fun. Hopefully I will be slightly less crispy around the edges tomorrow. 
  

On a Tuesday morning I have a 20 minute drive alone to work. The drive takes me along beautiful country roads, around plenty of lovely twists and turns with a mix of woodlands and sweeping vistas over fields and out to the ocean. It’s a time I cherish and use to quiet myself and pray. But I’ve noticed recently it’s turned into more of a time to worry, with a vague awareness of God, and maybe a couple of one line prayers thrown in. Something that once punctuated my week with hope and space has been lost.

This morning I got about 5 minutes into the drive before I finally became conciously aware of my thoughts, without noticing I realised I was grappling with some negative thoughts that weren’t going anywhere good. I’m all for grappling and wrestling with stuff, as long as it’s headed somewhere hopeful, and done in the light of how good God is….these thoughts were not like that.

We all have our battles, and a lot of them begin in the mind, and one of mine is fear. Fear of the future, fear of tragedy, fear of what could be. Fear is a big thing to fight, and I don’t mind admitting that I haven’t been on the winning side recently. Some prayer with friends a couple of weeks ago marked a shift in me and I began to find hope and sense the radiance of God and how much bigger he was than my fear. 

I heard a great quote from Bill Johnson this week. He said we don’t fight fear by engaging with it, but my shifting our focus onto who God is and how good he is. Then His love casts out fear. I factually know this to be true but this week I’ve begun to actually experience this truth, as it’s made it’s way from my head to my heart.

So today 5 minutes into my sacred Tuesday morning drive I make a choice, I don’t engage with my thoughts of fear, I don’t try to pray my way out. Instead I try something new and I surrender. Now I’m a pretty strong willed, determined personality and surrender is not my go to! But today I did and I began to ask God to show me his goodness, and boom sure enough the fear was gone.

In the sunrise, was his faithfulness. In the bird of prey was his majesty, in the old castle was his sovereignty, in the winter trees were his steadfastness, in the ocean was his vastness and in my heart and mind was his peace. I stopped to cry and took this photo of the sunrise. 

We try so hard, and he just wants us to let go and trust him.

He is so good.

This Christmas time my prayer is going to be, open my eyes to see you everywhere and in everything. I invite you to pray it too. He came to earth, born a man, died on a cross on rose again so we could know him.

I pray in all the fun, chaos, wider family and presents that you have eyes wide open to see him in the most wonderful and surprising of places, and that you can celebrate and be full of joy whatever you are facing.

Merry Christmas

Thank you for reading 

Love Emma 

Life as a mum is constantly shifting and evolving, it requires so much flexibility, patience, humility, grace  and love. Just as you learn how to handle one situation, another one creeps up and smacks you in the face. It demands your whole self and if you feel like a day off to call in sick, guess what? You can’t! It’s kind of a 24/7 situation.

Call in sick we can’t, but rest and restore we must.

Jesus teaches us “from the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks”

The state of our heart will seep out and affect every part of our lives. Particularly the lives of our families. We are foolish to think we can give out constantly without ever pausing to recieve and fill up ourselves. 

In our busy and demanding culture finding rest is a battle.

There are so many ways to do this, and it will look so different for all of us. But it is essential to our connection to God and to the quality of life we pour into others that we seek out sustainable rhythms. 

What works for our family probably won’t work for yours and what works for yours probably won’t work for your friend down the street. To top it off what worked for you last year, just might not work this year! It’s something that needs to evolve as our family does. We all have our own challenges, work commitments and family dynamics to work with so comparison, as usual, is useless!

The key is to partner with God in prayer to find some ‘anchor points’

An anchor is ‘a person or thing which provides stability or confidence in an otherwise uncertain situation.’ It’s what grounds you in life and holds firm in any storm.

Maybe it will be helpful to think of them in catorgories. ( I have included personal examples for reference, they are not meant to be prescriptive) 

Anchor point 1. Values.

So for me this would be my Christian faith. Something always there holding me firm through life. This one doesn’t change it’s just there. A commitment to marriage etc

Anchor point 2. Yearly 

For jon and I we have committed to a  night away together every year since we’ve had kids. It’s become something so special and life giving… Not an anchor point we intend changing. When we’ve been broke it’s been a very budget event and when we can it’s been a spa or trip away.

Anchor point 3 monthly 

Every month we have some sort of adventure as a whole family for a whole day, away from commitments, pressures and jobs.

Every month jon and I try to give each other some form of alone time. We go up and down with our commitment to this, when we don’t make it happen the strain shows. For us alone time is essential to our Wellbeing.

Anchor point 4 weekly

We practise a loose form of sabbath. Saturday looks and feels different to every other day…the kids love having our attention and time. It provides an opportunity for great conversations and memory making. The busier we get the more sacred it becomes. It’s not strict or complicated, it just stops the treadmill.

After almost 10years of parenting today we reached a place where our youngest started nursery and it will allow us 2 hours together on a Monday morning for a date. After moving away from family and babysitters this is a timely gift.

Anchor point 4 daily

Bible reading, prayer, friendship, solitude, a cup of tea with a view….daily anchor points are just moments where we remember what’s really important and we recieve tiny grace notes to help us through our day

If your life is anything like mine, I’m sure it’s jam packed with paid or unpaid work, cooking, cleaning, organising, getting everyone to where they need to be, interrupted sleep and never ending to do lists….it’s fine to have a break! If taking a break doesn’t come easy to you, then start slow and simple. Otherwise what started positively will soon become a source of stress. A few women in our wee community have been looking at this and our diversity is fascinating! But we all agree that it’s worth the fight for healthy minds and families.
I encourage you to journey to find your anchor points…and please share any wisdom you discover
Emma 

I’ve been on the most incredible journey with my health over the last 7 weeks, and it’s rocked almost everything I thought I knew about Wellbeing.

First of all what is Wellbeing? According to the dictionary ‘ it’s the quality or state of being healthy in body and mind, especially as the result of deliberate effort.’ I think that’s a pretty short but decent definition, although I would have to add in the word soul to that.

7 weeks ago I took my young son for a haircut and stood facing the mirror for a good 20 minutes. I looked and felt awful, spotty skin, dark eyes, lank hair. I felt grumpy, lethargic and worn out in every way. I was exercising, but I wasn’t sleeping well or eating well or thinking well. My prayer life was almost non existent and soon as I got the kids in bed all I wanted to do was sit with my iPad eating junk food and zoning out….and whenever that was possible, thats what I would choose.

Long story short I decided enough was enough, and I did a 14 day eating plan where I cut out junk food and sugar ( and I’m still going in many ways). Lots of areas of my life were a mess but I chose food because I became aware that it was impacting every part of my Wellbeing….let me explain.

John Eldredge from Ransomed Heart often talks about the difference between restoration and relief. Life is busy and full of circumstances and challenges we can’t control, in the middle of that God is always waiting and inviting us to go to Him to be restored. However often instead of turning to Him, to truth, to Life, we seek relief instead. zoning out to the tv, scrolling through social media, eating comfort food…fill in the blank…

so choosing to tackle my eating habits first, although seemingly non-spiritual was actually a spiritual choice. Food had become something in my life that it was never meant to be. The chocolate in the fridge became where I turned when I was bored, frustrated, exhausted or stressed. God wasn’t getting a look in, except occasionally maybe when I would listen to a teach online…while I was eating!

God created us to journey through life with Him. He created food for us to be nourished and sustained, enjoyed with friends. He gave us free will to choose and to think. He gave us a body and a mind to live in and asked us to care for it.

I lay before you life and death….now choose life – God.

As a man thinks in his heart, so is he – Soloman, Proverbs.

When I started eating better, using food to nourish me instead of comfort me…it created space for me to turn to God instead. I got more energy and became more productive. I found myself more awake and alert, praying and worshipping more. I was a nicer person to be around ( especially at home with my kids and husband) with more patience and kindness because I was more connected to God. 

I look better, I feel better and I’m thinking better quite simply because I made a choice. Then I carried on making that choice every day. Has it been easy? No. Has it been worth it? Yes.

We can’t control the things that come against us in the forms of sickness and disease, we can’t control our DNA. But we can choose to think good thoughts, forgive, eat good food, exercise, sleep enough, rest enough, drink enough water, and this will give us the best opportunity for health.

We can choose restoration instead of relief and everytime we do that we choose wellness. Whether we are fighting fit or in the midst of a health battle we can choose wellness. For me it started with choosing well with my food and it then seeped into every part of my life. What is it for you? Do you need to stop criticising others? Or get outside more? Or choose hope over despair? Or go to bed earlier?

Why not pray and ask the Holy Spirit if there is a choice you can make to move you towards wellness

So is wellness a choice?
Yes.

Will you choose it?

Love Emma x

Pls check out Dr Caroline Leaf….think and eat yourself smart it’s a great resource and explains in so much depth how our thought choices and food choices affect our brains and our health.