I want

Desire is such an interesting, rich subject. Theres been books written on it and I could say so much, but this a blog so forgive my oversimplification but here are my main conclusions. Desire is inherently good, it is God given, placed deep within us, and something we need to be awakened to if we want to uncover the trueness and fullness of who we really are. Like all good things it goes astray when we put our brokenness and ego into the mix. That doesn’t mean we should avoid it or bury it, nor is it licence to act out on all our desires if they bring harm to ourselves or others.

So slightly for fun I wrote a fast, unedited list of all the things I desire, I haven’t filtered it down to what is coming from a place of trueness and wholeness and what is coming from a place of brokenness. Ive done that on purpose because we are all, always going to be on that journey. Ive yet to meet a person whose ‘arrived’

So even though I know my list is probably ‘too big’ and ‘too much’, thats where I’m at, a work in progress. One of my biggest struggles is seeking the approval of others to validate me. So for years I crushed my own desires and just morphed into whatever I sensed was expected of me by those around me, and trust me that is not the better option here.

Our desires point to deeper truth. Beneath my very long list I can see a mix of healthy and unhealthy desires. The desire to be good is there right along side the desire to live selfishly. The desire to love others well is there right next to the desire to over self protect. But at least I’m awake to it, and its a starting place for growth and making choices. For example I might want to go to bed late and get up early….but I don’t! I know those desires come from a part of me that is never satisfied and Im learning and growing in that area, but Im only able to do that because I’m honest enough to admit it to myself…..so anyway

Here’s my list I hope it makes you smile and maybe encourages you to make your own list and see what it reveals…..

I want 

Time on my own

Time with my husband 

Time with all my kids

Time with each of my kids one on one

Time as a family

Time with my friends 

I want

To wild swim

To hike in mountains

To practice yoga

To practice pilates

To do cardio

To do breath-work

To have a massage

I want

To serve the charch

To build my business

To write 

To help others

To have time off

To get up early 

To go to bed late 

To have naps

To never waste a minute

I want 

To have fun

Rest well

Make love 

Make memories 

Go on adventures 

Spend money

Save money

I want 

To bake bread

Make food from scratch

Eat healthily

Eat so much junk food

Shop ethically

Support local

Organise my house

Ooh and I want

To learn

To read

To study

To grow

To improve 

To never miss anything 

And to miss lots of things because I’m at home in my pyjamas!

So that’s me, the woman who’s always felt too much and not enough all at the same time.

I want to do enough and be enough and have enough. Enough to share with the world around me. But mainly, scratch beneath it all

I want 

To be loved

To live a life of love

And 

To surrender into the arms of the One who can fulfil my every desire.

Emma x

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